33: The grieving process (a life update)
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Jo: Hello, beautiful soul and welcome back to the podcast. This is going to be a little bit of a different kind of episode. I feel like I say that about every single one of my episodes, but this week, we're talking more about [00:01:00] the grieving process and a kind of life update because this is something that I'm actively going through. And it's, like I said, in the last episode, not something that's talked about a whole lot or if it is, it's kind of behind closed doors because grief, isn't something that we handle very well. It's something that we kind of block off and package up and try not to like display to the world. Right. So, if you listened to the last episode I told you about the download or the epiphany that I got from luna in the Starbucks parking lot the day after we found out that she was gone. As I've been going through the grieving process and for some people, this might be a little weird because it was a dog, but for those of you who have for babies, you know, and you understand that they're not just animals, they're part of your family. And it's been hard. I'm not going to lie. [00:02:00] It's been really hard even with all of the tools that I have at my disposal. So I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be without those tools without the support that I have. And. Knowing that I'm in a better position to navigate it and handle it. It's still doesn't make it easy. Let's talk about the stages of grief for a second. There's five general phases, general stages of grief. And the five stages of grief was a theory that was proposed by as Swiss American psychiatrist named Elizabeth Kubler Ross, and the stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And since they've been discovered, or since they've like been laid out in this fashion, two more stages have been added to make seven stages. And the [00:03:00] expanded model is really too kind of better reflect the complexities of grief because it's not like you go through a one stage and then the other, and then the next, and then the next, and then the next it's not linear like that. Just like any kind of healing that we're doing isn't linear. We're very complex and nuanced beings. Right. And even in health, when we are in the hospital healing, we have all of these different pieces at play. Which makes healthcare, both a science and an art because nobody's ever going to present to the doctor with just one thing going on. Right. We have all of these different pieces at play. And they all affect each other. They all coexist. They all intermingle, which sometimes makes healing and diagnosing and all of that good stuff a little bit more difficult. But we're talking about [00:04:00] grief here we're not talking about other things. Side note. The five stages of grief. That's what we're going to stick to. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Like I said, it's not. Necessarily linear. It's a little bit more complex than that. We're not going through these stages one right after the other. Sometimes we bounce back and forth. Sometimes we're walking the line between two stages. Sometimes we are in two stages at once. It's this complex thing that we're dealing with. And right now I am currently in the depression phase and the acceptance phase. So yesterday I was absolutely for sure 100% in the depression phase. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to sit on the couch all day. And I don't know, watch sappy movies and play games on my phone and numb. Right. [00:05:00] I didn't want to feel. So I was just trying to do anything to take my attention away and on the same token. I've dealt with depression before, and I know the things that make me feel better, and I know that being of service to other people. Really helps me. I know that taking a shower. And blow drying my hair and putting on makeup makes me feel better. So I did that. I had a night without my daughter. She was with her dad. And I took a long shower. I blow dried my hair. I curled my hair. And I made myself feel better physically, which made me feel better mentally because we work in this psycho cybernetic process where. Our physicality, our physiology affects our mental wellbeing and our mental state. And our mental state also affects our [00:06:00] physiology. So it's this never ending loop where one influences the other, which influences the other, which influences the other. Constantly over and over and over again. So I know by me taking care of my physical body, making my physical body feel better. I'm also helping my mental wellbeing. So that's what I did. I took a shower and I felt better. And then I did a breathwork session because I hadn't done one in a long time. Breathwork is always a really, really big release for me. My intention going into the breathwork session was to release the grief that I was feeling. Release the sadness release the heaviness that I was feeling. And also release a few things that were affecting my business. So. I did that. And let me just tell you this breathwork session was powerful. It was so powerful. If I'm being completely honest, I don't think that I've ever like. Screamed and wailed as much during a breathwork [00:07:00] session. As I did last night. And that's. Not an unusual thing. So me saying this, if you've never experienced breathwork. Please don't be like completely put off by breathwork you're being cause it's not always like this, but like yelling and screaming and crying is a release and that was the release that I needed at that time, not every session is like that. Like I said, I've had sessions where I've laughed uncontrollably. I've had sessions where I didn't feel the need to make any noise. If that makes sense. Like, I didn't feel the need to cry or scream or laugh. I just ended up getting like downloads, envisions and. It can be a really psychedelic experience too, which is really cool. That's for a different episode. So. I did a breathwork session last night and I always feel really like blissed out afterwards. Which was a very welcomed feeling. When you've been [00:08:00] in this depressed state where you're just apathetic and nothing is exciting to you. You're just like numb to everything. Were you don't want to feel anything because what's your feeling at the moment is not good. So I did this breathwork session and it was exactly what I needed in the moment. It helped me release. And helped me to actually feel. During the session I was able to feel and process and release. All in that moment. The feelings that I had been allowing myself to feel, but also had to package up and set aside. In moments where I needed to be present with my clients. In moments where I needed to be present with my children in moments where I needed to be present with my spouse or my family. There's moments where we have to kind of package things up so that we can address them later. I'm a huge [00:09:00] supporter of being able to feel your feelings and process them in the moment. But there are moments where we just aren't able to do that in the moment. And it's in those moments where you kind of have to package them up, set them aside. And let them know that she'll be back later for them. That you're not pushing them down to ignore them. I was doing my best to kind of package things up, set them aside until I was in a better position to process them. Take them back out and try to process them. But grief is just a different kind of emotion. It's very complex. It's not just an emotion. Right? We've got all of these different emotions that are going into this one emotion. It's been a journey so far and I feel like I moved through the first two stages of denial and anger pretty quickly. The bargaining was a little bit longer like what if we had never taken her to the trainer? What if she had just stayed with us. Like she would still be here. But really, there's no [00:10:00] way of knowing that for sure. Right. If it was her time, it was her time. And. I knew this on like a conscious level. But at the same time, I was hurting and it is absolutely a stage that we go through when we're grieving. The depression stage has been the longest stage. But I feel like I'm finally kind of walking on the line between depression and acceptance and as I've gone through this process, Again, With a different perspective. It's given me a different kind of respect for the grieving process and how I can help walk my clients through the grieving process, how I can better prepare my clients for the grieving process, because as we are releasing pieces of ourselves, like we do very heavily in REIGN. It's not uncommon for grief to show up, but I haven't been addressing it. I had been addressing, trying to keep ourselves [00:11:00] grounded and regulated throughout the process, but I hadn't addressed the fact that. Grief shows up even when we're not physically losing somebody that we love. Grief shows up when we are releasing pieces of ourselves that have been with us for so long. When we are releasing pieces of our identity, that used to service that had served us at one point. When we are integrating pieces of ourselves back into wholeness. There's almost this feeling of loss. We are grieving. We're grieving these pieces of us. So it's given me a different perspective and more of a respect for the process itself and how I can support my people my clients through it. So I will continue on my journey, I will continue to. Be present for myself. I will continue to transmute and use my tools that [00:12:00] I have to help me through the process and continue to learn how I can better support my clients through the process. Because grief can be a very lonely thing and there is no wrong way to grieve. But we can find ways to support us in the process and through the process. So, yeah that's where I've been for the last week, I think that's it for this episode. I will see you in the next one.
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